Isn’t it funny when celebrities dress all proper and Jackie O-ish for court appearances, when we all know, thanks to our friends the weekly magazines, that it’s all one big act. Although, granted, Nicole Richie often does scrub up well. It’s just that she’s much more at home in her breezy boho LA look. An LBD may not quite be a get-out-of-jail card, but it will make you look much more chic than you are. Same goes for the neat bun. You’d never normally be suspected of anything less than ladylike, I don’t think, when wearing such a hairdo. And let me just say, as for boys who wear suits when they don’t normally wear suits - beware, girls. Every boy looks dashing in a good suit, it’s a fashion truth. But there could very well be some psycho t-shirt underneath. A timely warning in the lead-up to racing and wedding season.

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with fashion. I have a zillion books on it and especially adore reading about fashion history (my latest: Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution). I actually started out in magazines writing fashion. But I soon found it was all a bit too Devil Wears Prada for me. Look, I love a frock as much as the next girl. Actually possibly a lot more. And I’ll never lose the joy of getting, say, a little blue box (as in, Tiffany & Co). And oh do I also want an orange box in my life (as in, Hermès. A slither of a scarf would do. I don’t need a Birkin).

But on the whole, I am becoming much more cynical about fashion. I love it when it’s pretty and flattering. I don’t get it when it’s not. Like now. That look of the big parachute of a tunic dress paired with the great big clodhopper shoe - I just can’t get my head (or body) around it.

I have nothing against changing your look, of course (um, hi, I work in the beauty industry) - as long as it’s for the better. I just don’t see how fashion right now makes us look good. We suddenly have no waist and these enormous feet. It looks cool on the cool girls, but for most of us, we look like we’re having a permanent fat day. And fat foot day.

Which is why I love the beauty world. You’ll rarely hear anyone in beauty advise ugliness. Suggest you wear, say, red eyeshadow. Beauty trends largely stay constant. The rosy cheek, the tousled hair, the smoky eye, the glossy lip - all beauty classics because they’ll always make you look your best. The minute I start telling you to wear red eyeshadow, please come and shake me out of my new whopping big boots, okay?

Your usual body moisturiser doesn’t seem to be cutting it? Try mixing in a dash of body oil - or even grapeseed or olive oil. It’s a particularly great pre-bed skin treat.

You have to hand it to the Frenchies, they know how to make a très chic colour collection. Two new ones to go all ooh la la over …

Lancôme Pop Cherub Spring 2007, available from department stores

Inspired by Kirsten Dunst’s sweet turn as the French teen queen Marie Antoinette, you’ll look as deliciously pretty as a Parisian macaroon with these gorgeous new products. There are two collector-item palettes ($89 each) that offer a mix of sweet and smoky eye shadows (and that come with makeup artist Gucci Westman’s how-to-use tips and illustrations), while the fabulous Traceur Design ($47) defines eyes with a liquidy line of silver sparkle. For cheeks, there are three mousse blushes ($50 each) in flirty shades of rose, and for lips, there’s Sweet Caprice, a lovely little pot of pale pink shimmer balm ($44) for a pretty rosebud pout.

Clarins Summer Fever, available from department stores and Adore Beauty

Just when we’re feeling a little vitamin D-deficient, Clarins is here with the makeup version of a trip to the tropics. Your first buy should be the Kohl Powder Eye Liner ($24) - get it in all three shades: Black Sparkle, Tropical Violet and Green Lagoon. You’ll rarely find an eye colour that will give you such sexy smoky eyes so easily. There’s also the Brush-On Bronzer ($49) too, another cinch-to-use number that gives instant look-better results. And, also limited-edition and must-must-have is the l’Eau Ensoleillante Sunshine Fragrance ($62), a feel-good mix of citrus notes and plant-based ingredients. If you’re coming down with a bad dose of seasonal affective disorder, it could be just what the beauty doctor ordered.