It’s a well known phenomenon that a groom often doesn’t recognise the woman in white walking toward him. What with all those weeks of boot-camping and dieting, not to mention that mountain of curls on her head or the newly contoured cheekbones. But in these days of botox on every corner, the situation is apparently only becoming more common. An article in yesterday’s Sun-Herald reported on the trend for ‘per-nup nip and tuck’. One surgeon said he sees ten brides-to-be per week, who ask for botox, lipo or even a boob job.

I guess it’s not surprising, seeing as women are getting married later in life, that they might want to smooth out their forehead and feel a little more camera-ready. And all those dress fittings and seating plans do take their toll on the face. (Tip: don’t get botox done the week before, make it a month earlier, to look naturally calm, not a frozen petrified version of your old self). Okay, and I understand the lipo bit. I mean, you’re probably spending your honeymoon in a bikini on a beach the whole time. Or more to the point, in bed. (But surely, hasn’t he seen it all by now?)

But the bridal boob job?

I’ve always seen breasts as being innately linked to our sense of self. They define our femininity and, no matter what shape or size, and no matter if we like this or not, they become part of the image we present to the world. Which is why having augmentation is such a major decision (of course, there are physical implications, not just ones for the psyche), and one that experts worry is increasingly take too lightly. So surely marriage, which is one of life’s major turning points and times for self-redefinition, is not the ideal time to be adding another identity dilemma into the mix.

Many women, yes, do boob jobs for their partners. And many guys are the ones buying them for their partners. A boob job early on in the relationship, fine. Later on, post kids or to spice things up, okay. If that feels right for you. But right on the brink of marriage… to do so just before saying “I do” – I don’t know, it comes across as some kind of clincher to seal the deal. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

And aren’t there better things to spend the money on at this time in life? Like, I don’t know, a mortgage.

Disclaimer: as a happily A-cupped kind of girl, perhaps I’m biased when it comes to the whole boob job debate. I just can’t go there. While I don’t deride girls who do, I just don’t really understand them. For the most part, we are born with features that suit us. If you have dark hair, for instance, it’s usually nature’s way of saying you shouldn’t go too blonde. Similarly, many smaller boobed girls are slighter in frame. To inflate your cup size to a C or more, when your hips are still in A or B territory, it all just looks out of whack. To me, that is. I think there’s a whole new generation of girls - and guys for that matter - who see this top-heavy look as proportionate. Call it The Girls of the Playboy Mansion effect. Blame it on Posh Spice. Whatever you trace it to, I just worry that girls are growing up feeling they have to look this cookie-cutter kind of shape.

One of my favourite columnists, Shane Watson of the UK Times, wrote a piece late last year – ‘DD Day’ - on the subject. She mused, “It’s got to the point where an adult female without anything less than a D cup is a bit like a house for sale without a power shower – not impossible to shift, but most buyers would automatically add one, It is 2007 after all, and you expect mod cons with your investment.” Watson noted that it’s not just the guys who desire the D factor, but girls themselves, who view breasts as just another accessory. “They want big tits … like they want big sunglasses and big handbags.” And her depressing but hilarious conclusion: “As for small breasts, they are going the way of video and vinyl. You’re not going to get stoned for them (I haven’t been yet), but they are becoming a sign of a rather outmoded world-view. We who are left shuffle around hoping we might get the Jane Birkin vote once in a while. An A cup is rock chick, no? It’s sexy tomboy, isn’t it? But, really, the world is looking at us and thinking: ‘Call that a chest? Get a life.’”

For those of you contemplating a boob job, here’s the thing any good surgeon should make you aware of: it won’t give you a new life. It won’t give you a better marriage. It won’t mend a broken relationship. It won’t make you happier person.

Although, as I can well imagine, you’re probably going to be pretty happy about filling out some sexy new bras and necklines.

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